


Please for the Love of God Can We Pretend I Never Said Anything About Your Abs

by glassclosetcastiel



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Brotp, Crack, French Mistake 'verse, Gen, Humor, Miscommunication, Multiple Universes Colliding, No Smut, everyone is queer and nothing hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4889782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassclosetcastiel/pseuds/glassclosetcastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:35 p.m.]: um<br/><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:35 p.m.]: What does spn stand for</p><p><b>RedStringofFate</b> [9:35 p.m.]: Supernatural</p><p><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:39 p.m.]: FUCKING<br/><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:39 p.m.]: SHIT</p><p><b>RedStringofFate</b> [9:39 p.m.]: whoa, what’s wrong?</p><p><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:40 p.m.]: So fucking much<br/><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:41 p.m.]: Look, can I call you or meet you in person or something to talk about this?<br/><b>CelloItsABass</b> [9:41 p.m.]: And please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can we pretend I never said anything about your abs, jesus christ I need bleach for my brain</p><p>--</p><p>At NJcon, Osric was asked what would happen if he ever met Kevin in real life. Osric replied, "Depends. Like on Grindr?"</p><p>Obviously, I couldn't just <i>not</i> write a fic about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please for the Love of God Can We Pretend I Never Said Anything About Your Abs

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy.

**CelloItsABass** [8:58 p.m.]: Any real pics? Anime dude's got nice abs, but I'd rather see yours

 **RedStringofFate** [9:04 p.m.]: sorry, I can't :/  
**RedStringofFate** [9:06 p.m.]: whoa whoa whoa  
**RedStringofFate** [9:06 p.m.]: okay please stop  
**RedStringofFate** [9:06 p.m.]: take those down. It's not funny.

 **CelloItsABass** [9:08 p.m.]: Wtf are you talking about

 **RedStringofFate** [9:09 p.m.]: you know what I mean. Please delete those  
**RedStringofFate** [9:09 p.m.]: I don't know how you even got those. I didn't take them. How did you get those pics?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:10 p.m.]: Dude I seriously have no idea what you're talking about

 **RedStringofFate** [9:10 p.m.]: your "user photos"  
**RedStringofFate** [9:10 p.m.]: they're pictures of me.

 **CelloItsABass** [9:11 p.m.]: Okay I don't know what your deal is but those are definitely me

 **RedStringofFate** [9:12 p.m.]: so you're telling me you're a 5'8" Asian guy.

 **CelloItsABass** [9:12 p.m.]: Yes. I'm guessing you are too? Not totally uncommon in New York, from what I've heard.

 **RedStringofFate** [9:12 p.m.]: okay look, I don't know if you're a fan or what but please. I'm going to have to report this account if you don't delete those pics

 **CelloItsABass** [9:13 p.m.]: Oh my god. Okay clearly you're a psycho but what do you want me to do. Send a picture of myself holding a sign that says "look you whackjob, I'm a real person" ?

 **RedStringofFate** [9:13 p.m.]: there's no way those aren't pictures of me. Just please take them down, that's all I ask.

 **CelloItsABass** has sent a photo [9:16 p.m.]: IMG_0814.png

 **RedStringofFate** [9:17 p.m.]: holy crap  
**RedStringofFate** [9:17 p.m.]: are you serious? Like, that's really you

 **CelloItsABass** [9:18 p.m.]: Yes, should I be worried that you think I'm wearing your face? Are you gonna come pull some Silence of the Lambs shit or something?

 **RedStringofFate** has sent a photo [9:20 p.m.]: 4228841.jpg

 **CelloItsABass** [9:20 p.m.]: Holy shit  
**CelloItsABass** [9:21 p.m.]: What the fuck

 **RedStringofFate** [9:22 p.m.]: I know right? What the heck is going on  
**RedStringofFate** [9:22 p.m.]: I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Sometimes people create fake social media accounts w my pics. 

**CelloItsABass** [9:23 p.m.]: This is so fuckin weird

 **RedStringofFate** [9:24 p.m.]: I know, I'm like two seconds from calling my mom and having a very serious discussion  
**RedStringofFate** [9:25 p.m.]: I mean, could we be related? What's your last name?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:26 p.m.]: Tran

 **RedStringofFate** [9:26 p.m.]: okay now you're just messing with me

 **CelloItsABass** [9:27 p.m.]: No dude, that's my name. Why, is your last name Tran too?

 **RedStringofFate** [9:27 p.m.]: no. This is so weird  
**RedStringofFate** [9:27 p.m.]: I swear I've never done drugs but I feel like I'm high right now  
**RedStringofFate** [9:28 p.m.]: what's your first name?  
**RedStringofFate** [9:28 p.m.]: and don't say Kevin. 

**CelloItsABass** [9:29 p.m.]: Okay what the fuck

 **RedStringofFate** [9:29 p.m.]: what?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:30 p.m.]: My name is Kevin.  
**CelloItsABass** [9:30 p.m.]: How the fuck did you know that

 **RedStringofFate** [9:30 p.m.]: no it's not. Seriously what is your name?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:30 p.m.]: No dude my name is really Kevin Tran

 **RedStringofFate** [9:31 p.m.]: WHAT IS HAPPENING

 **CelloItsABass** [9:31 p.m.]: DUDE WHY ARE YOU FRWAKING OUT

 **RedStringofFate** [9:32 p.m.]: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:32 p.m.]: YOURE FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT

 **RedStringofFate** [9:33 p.m.]: are you an spn fan or something? Like seriously why are you doing this?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:34 p.m.]: What’s spn

 **RedStringofFate** [9:34 p.m.]: it’s the a tv show I'm on.

 **CelloItsABass** [9:35 p.m.]: um  
**CelloItsABass** [9:35 p.m.]: What does spn stand for

 **RedStringofFate** [9:35 p.m.]: Supernatural

 **CelloItsABass** [9:39 p.m.]: FUCKING  
**CelloItsABass** [9:39 p.m.]: SHIT

 **RedStringofFate** [9:39 p.m.]: whoa, what’s wrong?

 **CelloItsABass** [9:40 p.m.]: So fucking much  
**CelloItsABass** [9:41 p.m.]: Look, can I call you or meet you in person or something to talk about this?  
**CelloItsABass** [9:41 p.m.]: And please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can we pretend I never said anything about your abs, jesus christ I need bleach for my brain

\--

Osric agrees to meet the guy at an all-night diner not far from the hotel. It's just past 10:00 when his GPS lands him outside the place--a warm, cozy looking little hole in the wall. He takes the opportunity to peek in through the windows before going inside, searching for a too-familiar face on a foreign body. It's been a really weird night.

Seeing only an older couple and a single mousy-haired man at the counter, Osric opens the glass front door and smiles at the hostess. "Just two, please," he says, and when she seats him at a little two-person booth near the back, he adds, "you'll know the other guy when you see him."

She raises her eyebrows incredulously, but Osric figures she's heard stranger things. This is New York City, after all.

He takes out his phone and loads up Grindr again, seeing if the guy is online and therefore trackable. _CelloItsABass_ is nowhere to be seen, though. Not for the first time tonight, Osric wonders if he imagined the whole thing. _Seriously, a guy who looks just like him? Named Kevin Tran?_ He fidgets with the plastic menu in front of him and hopes that this wasn't a terrible idea. Maybe he should have told someone where he was going, just in case--

A tinkling of bells gets his attention and he looks up as the front door swings open. He's about fifty feet away, but even so, he'd recognize the guy's face anywhere. It's the one he looks at every day in the mirror.

'Kevin' exchanges pleasantries with the hostess, who turns and gestures over her shoulder at Osric. Then the guy looks over and locks eyes with him and it's the single weirdest moment of Osric's entire life. From the look on his face when he gets to the table, Kevin is having a similar experience.

"Shit," he says, hesitating at the end of the table with a hand on the back of the booth.

Osric has a minor bout of panic hearing his own voice coming out of the guy's mouth. "Yeah. Um," he swallows. "Have a seat."

The guy sits and gives Osric a thorough once-over, then shuts his eyes and shakes his head. "This is so not good."

Osric taps his fingertips on the table. "So..."

The guy snaps his eyes open with a heavy sigh. "Right. So look--"

"What can I get you fellas to drink?" A waitress asks. She slides two straws onto the table and pulls out her notebook and pen. 

Osric raises his eyebrows at Kevin.

"Um, Mountain Dew?"

The waitress nods as she jots it down and raises her eyes to Osric. "Whoa, twins," she says. "Wow, you're like, identical."

Osric gives her a little smile. "Just water, please. Thanks."

They wait until the waitress has come back with their drinks and taken their orders. Osric just gets a side salad since he's already eaten dinner but would feel bad ordering nothing. Kevin gets a cheeseburger.

"So right," Kevin starts. "Um, look. You're gonna think I'm crazy, but you've gotta hear me out. Wait. What's your name?"

"Osric."

"Osric. Like. Hamlet?"

Osric nods, and Kevin scoffs.

"Dean wasn't kidding about the names in this place."

"Did you just say 'Dean?'"

Kevin leans forward in his seat, clasping his hands on the table. "Just hear me out. Don't freak. Okay?"

Osric shrugs. Kevin must take that as confirmation.

"Okay. So you're not going to believe me when I say this, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I _am_ Kevin Tran. Like _the_ Kevin Tran. There's a parallel universe to this one where that TV show is real, Sam, Dean, Cas, Crowley, they're all real. Ghosts are real. Monsters. Werewolves. Fuckin' angels are real. They're total dicks, too. That's legit." 

He holds up a hand when Osric starts to speak. "I know what you're thinking. I'd be skeptical too."

"I'm not skeptical," Osric says. "I don't know what you're trying to do, but--"

"Okay look," Kevin interrupts. "My name is Kevin Eugene Tran. I'm turning 20 years old next month. My mother's name is Linda, my father's name was Jian. I was an advanced placement student, struck by lightning, prophet of the Lord, blah blah blah, stole a tablet, kidnapped by Dick bitchass Leviathan motherfucking Roman, captured by Crowley, demon tablet yadda yadda yadda, Channing..."

Osric stops him. "Okay I get it. You're a big fan of the show."

Kevin groans, tugging at his hair in frustration. "Okay. Okay. What's something that wasn't actually on Supernatural but you know about it anyway? Like, did any scenes get cut before you shot them or anything?"

Osric thinks about it while the waitress returns and sets down their food. He narrows his eyes at the greasy cheeseburger on the plate across from his salad.

"Kevin Tran is a vegan," he says.

The guy, 'Kevin,' or whoever he is, pauses with the burger halfway to his mouth, his jaw open wide. 

"Living with Dean, you kinda just take whatever you can get. I started eating meat on Garth's boat. Back when I was too goddamn exhausted to care. Remember?"

Osric has to admit he's got him there. He regards Kevin while he chews the burger. It's truly bizarre. The more he stares, the more idiosyncrasies he picks out--the way the guy's right eyebrow is a tiny bit bushier than the left, how his left eye is infinitesimally smaller than the other, the weird patchy patterns of his stubble that grow in exactly the same way as his own. Yeah, he's got dark circles under his eyes and his hair is a little shorter than Osric's, but those are temporary things. For all intents and purposes, he knows that he and this guy are identical in every way, right down to that little birthmark above their upper lip.

"Okay," Osric says. "I feel insane for even trying this, but... the episode we just shot last week. There's no way anyone but the cast or crew could know this, since it doesn't even air for months."

Kevin nods for him to continue.

"So there's an angel possessing Sam-"

"Gadreel," Kevin interrupts.

Osric tries to remember if the whole Gadreel revelation has even aired yet. He doesn't think it has. "Right. So Metatron has just hired him as a sort of angelic hit man. Who's the first person on Metatron's hit list?"

Kevin sits back in his seat, tossing his napkin down on his empty plate in smug satisfaction. "Me. Gadreel was supposed to kill me. That's why I'm here."

Osric gapes.

"It's true. I'm really Kevin. Cas sent me to this universe to keep me safe from Gadreel and Metatron."

Osric pushes his untouched salad away and rests his elbows on the table. "I don't... I'm not even... Am I being punked right now? I'm like 90% sure Jared is behind this somehow."

He peers around and under the table, checks the other patrons of the restaurant for cameras or knowing smirks. There's no one even looking in their direction. Osric looks up at Kevin helplessly, and Kevin just shrugs.

"I don't even know who Jared is."

"The guy who plays Sam," Osric says. 

Kevin leans in and lowers his voice. "Look, I know it's hard to believe, but I'm telling you the truth."

"Okay," Osric says, "I'm not saying I believe you, but if you _are_ telling the truth, how did Cas know about Gadreel in time to save you? Dean never told him Sam was possessed by an angel."

Kevin furrows his brow in thought. "Interesting. That must be where our timelines branched off. In the show, Dean sent Cas away from the bunker, right?"

"Yeah, that was right at the beginning of the season. Then he went back and visited him a few episodes later, but I still don't think he told Cas anything about Sam and Ezekiel."

Kevin points. "That's it. In my universe, something else must have happened in Idaho, because Dean told Cas everything and brought him back to Kansas with him. Cas was able to figure out Gadreel's true identity and Metatron's plan before anyone got hurt. He knew Metatron wanted me dead, so he sent me where they'd never be able to find me. A place where things like prophets and angels don't technically exist."

"Here," Osric supplies. He's completely engrossed in the story now. "What do you think happened that was different from the show?"

"No idea," Kevin says. "Don't know, don't care." He shudders.

Osric sips his water and stares hard into space, trying to see the world beyond his own where the things from his childhood nightmares really exist. "So you're telling me that in an alternate universe, all of that stuff really happened? You're really a prophet of the Lord?"

"Former," Kevin says. "But yeah. It's all real. The migraines were insane. Every fuckin' day, migraines. But ever since I've been here, _nothing_. No headaches, no blurry vision, no..." He trails off, waving a frantic hand through the air. "No nothing. It's been _so_ nice."

Osric knows his own face well enough to know that Kevin isn't acting. He's telling the truth. Either he's really Kevin Tran, Advanced Placement, or Osric is having the strangest dream of his life.

"Are we in danger?" he asks, despite himself.

Kevin shakes his head. "No, only Cas and Sam and Dean know where I am. I'm hidden like a needle in a haystack."

"Wait, how many universes are there?" Osric asks, but Kevin just shrugs.

"No idea. Infinite universes? I try not to think about it."

Osric shakes his head, trying to comprehend that information. "So there's a universe where your life is a TV show. What if there's a universe where _my_ life is a TV show? Where there's another copy of us who plays an actor named Osric Chau who plays a prophet named Kevin Tran?"

Kevin sips his Mountain Dew and sighs. "You know what I said about the migraines? Trying not to get those again."

"Sorry," Osric says. He's beginning to think that he and Kevin could get along. "So you knew about me? You obviously knew about the show, so..."

Kevin grimaces. "Yeah, um. I knew. Cas warned me not to upset the spacetime continuum or whatever. Dean just told me to stay the hell away from Canada. I didn't think I'd run into you in a huge city like Manhattan."

Osric nods in sympathy.

They sit in silence for a minute, Osric trying to readjust his view on life, the universe, and everything. He's still not entirely convinced that this isn't some elaborate reverie.

"So, what's next for you?" He asks after a moment.

Kevin shrugs again. "I guess just... Start over? I've got a fresh start here, right?"

Osric smiles encouragingly. "You could finally go to college?"

Kevin looks less than excited. Osric realizes that reading, studying, and research are probably on the bottom of his agenda right now.

"Or," he goes on, "you could just catch up on life, you know? Do all the stuff you haven't been able to do for years. Play some video games, maybe meet a guy, or... whatever..."

Kevin makes a face. "Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be able to go back on Grindr for a while after this."

Osric winces. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He laughs at the face Kevin makes. "What are the odds, both of us...?" He gestures to his phone.

Kevin understands his meaning, and his cheeks color a bit. "Technically, we're like... the same person? Biologically speaking? So. Biology, I guess. I dunno. I'm guessing we have the same sexuality in every universe."

Osric doesn't want to be rude, but he's genuinely curious. "What about Channing?"

To his relief, Kevin just shrugs. "I liked her a lot, and dating a girl... I dunno, it just kind of seemed like something I should do, you know? I guess I've done a lot of stuff because I thought I should, not because I wanted to."

Osric frowns. "I know what you mean. But you know what? You're in charge of you, here. You can start defining yourself by your own standards instead of societal expectations."

Kevin snorts. "Wow, never would have guessed you'd buck societal expectations." He jerks his head down at the table where Osric's hands are neatly folded, his painted nails glinting in the fluorescent lights. 

Osric fans his fingers, wiggling them to show off the icy blue polish. "This particular shade is for my cosplay."

Kevin quirks an eyebrow. "Cosplay?"

"Yep," Osric says. "There's a huge con here this weekend. That's why I'm in NYC."

"Cool. What're you dressing up as?" Kevin asks.

Osric smirks. “They have _Frozen_ in your universe?” He picks up his phone and starts flicking through his pictures.

“Yeeaah,” Kevin drawls, looking confused.

When he finds the right picture, Osric flips the phone around and shows him. “I’m going as Elsa.”

Kevin takes the phone and regards the photo with a frown. “Okay, not gonna lie, it’s more than a little weird seeing myself in a dress. But I look good. We. _You_ look good.” He clears his throat and shoves the device back at Osric. “I’m just gonna shut up now.”

Osric laughs and pockets his phone. "So," he says after a moment, studying Kevin. "Being a vegan. Was that something you did because you wanted to, or because you thought you should?"

Kevin frowns. "That was me. I sort of felt like... Even if I never got to be the first Asian-American president, even if I never became a cello virtuoso or got a full ride to Princeton, I could still save a few cows and chickens, you know? I could make a tiny bit of difference."

He looks a bit miserable now, frowning hard at his empty plate, the last vestiges of his greasy burger staining the porcelain brownish-pink.

“Well, like you said," Osric offers. "Fresh start. You can do anything you want now. That includes making your own dietary decisions."

Kevin still looks sullen.

Osric slaps a $20 onto the table and stands. "So, what are you doing now? You busy? Want to come back to the hotel and play some video games or something?”

Kevin stands and follows his counterpart out the door. “Sure. I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep tonight anyway.”

“Same,” Osric says. “What kind of video games are there in your universe?”

“Honestly? I don't know. I was never allowed to play video games,” Kevin admits, and Osric’s jaw drops. “I know. The only thing I ever played was Mario Kart at my friend Danny’s house when I was in elementary school.”

“Okay, I’m gonna show you a thing or two about 21st century gaming,” Osric promises.

They wind their way down the city street, still teeming with life even at this late hour. Osric peeks at Kevin out of the corner of his eye. The kid looks stressed out and aged well beyond his years, but that’s to be expected. He's been through a lot.

“You can hang out with me this weekend, if you want,” Osric says. “I’ve got a friend who's a costumer. I’m sure she can find us a red wig. You could be the Anna to my Elsa?”

Kevin shoves him playfully in the ribs, and Osric laughs. 

“Alright, let's get one thing straight," Kevin says. "We can hang out, but on one condition."

Osric raises his eyebrows in question.

"Okay, two conditions. One: we never speak of translations or tablets or any of that shit ever again." He holds up his phone, looking stern. "And two: we pretend like we didn't meet on goddamned Grindr."

Osric laughs. "Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry Os. Haha.
> 
> (Yes, I did just imply that Kevin would still be alive if Destiel had happened in the fanfiction gap. IT'S VERY PLAUSIBLE.)
> 
> Come say hey on [tumblr](http://glassclosetcastiel.tumblr.com)!


End file.
